Last month, Jon traveled to Belleville, Illinois, to help his mother transition from a weeklong hospitalization back to her apartment at Cambridge House of Swansea. Having made the trip by himself, the last thing he wanted to do on a follow-up visit was manage it alone. So Cliff joined Jon for an extended visit, with both working remotely through a week that found us making home-cooked meals, shopping for needed supplies, meeting with care providers, and watching seemingly endless hours of what Jon calls “Murder & Mayhem” television (a.k.a. Investigation Discovery or ID).

Despite teaming up to meet the challenges of our visit, it was exhausting nonetheless. When we return in October, we’ll take a week of vacation so we’re not trying to juggle work responsibilities, calls, and meetings.

The weather throughout included scattered storms and mild temperatures — a welcome relief from the record heat back home.

Throughout this time, we’ve learned quite a bit about how older people are treated in general. Facilities such as Cambridge House are often short-staffed, which not only stresses existing staff but also residents. Physically, Jon’s mom is quite frail (the result of end-stage COPD complicated by emphysema and chronic asthma); psychologically, she also suffers from anxiety and depression. Consequently, she doesn’t respond well to feeling pressured or rushed, which is often how she feels treated by stressed-out staff.

Moreover, we’ve discovered the intricacies of state regulations, Medicare/Medicaid billing, and available care and social services. For example, Cambridge House of Swansea does not provide Assisted Living but Supportive Living. Supportive Living is the Medicaid-supported model of Assisted Living, offering residents who qualify the opportunity to pay through a combination of their Social Security income and Medicaid. Supportive Living does provide limited assistance, but residents are expected to exercise a certain degree of autonomy. For example, Jon’s mom has access to meals, but she can choose what she wants from a menu that includes two entre options at lunch and supper. If she doesn’t like what’s offered, she can order a grilled cheese sandwich (which she does with great frequency). When Jon was here for his earlier 12-day visit, he joined his mom for every meal in the dining room, where he observed that there were no fresh vegetable offerings. And when canned or frozen vegetables were offered, they tended to be overcooked. The kitchen staff was often short-handed, which created additional anxiety among the residents. The CNA (certified nursing assistants) staff is only allowed to manage her medications, not administer them. For someone like Jon’s mom, who has a hand tremor and is also physically weak, something as simple as taking a pill or emptying a plastic vial of albuterol into a nebulizer can be daunting. She has asked the CNAs to observe her as she takes her medications to ensure she doesn’t choke on or drop a pill (she takes 17 pills every day, so it takes some time), but they are often called away or in a hurry to tend to others.

It’s hard for anyone in such circumstances to feel they are anything other than a burden. This contributes to anxiety and depression, creating a vicious cycle that can only be disrupted by intensely personal attention — the kind that only a caring relative or committed friend can give.

So, we’ll be returning in late October. No more weekenders for the time being, as we decided to direct our camping funds and activities toward the weeklong visit. After all, we’re men on a mission.