This weekend we met Bud, a guy sporting a 45/47 hat, a reference to Donald Trump as the 45th and 47th president of the United States. As is our custom, we steered clear of any political conversation, talking instead about shared camping experiences, a common devotion to dogs, and our occasional bobcat sightings. Fluff.

We lamented the loss of meaningful conversation across the political divide. Recent polls reveal that more than half of Americans have stopped talking about politics because of something the other person has said. How can we hope to bridge the divide when we simply stop talking to each other, or when our talk is nothing more than fluff?

Jon is reading a book that was shared with him by a colleague, Stolen Pride: Loss, Shame, and the Rise of the Right, by sociologist Arlie Russel Hochschild. It centers on the Eastern Kentucky town of Pikeville, where mines have closed, jobs have vanished, and a sense of identity has eroded over time. Hochschild spent six years listening to the people in one of the nation’s poorest and whitest congressional districts, where they had built their lives on hard work and self-reliance. When those opportunities disappeared, what remained wasn’t just financial hardship but shame. She writes about how Donald Trump tapped into this emotional reservoir and turned shame into blame, offering not just scapegoats (immigrants, elites, the so-called “deep state”) but also a sense of restored dignity. Making America great again meant making people feel proud again. Hochschild creates vivid portraits of ex-coal miners, teacher, recovering addicts, local politicians, indeed an entire community of people grappling with loss and searching for meaning.

Over the years, our camping trips have taken us to places like Pikeville. Jon has a deep connection to the state: his father was born in the Western Kentucky town of Fancy Farm. Many of his relatives embody the idea that people who once found dignity in hard work now face a loss of identity, replaced by shame and frustration.

We know first-hand the power of shame. It can turn not only into blame but also anger, and, with regard to a strongman like Trump, an unwavering political allegiance more powerful than any policy.

We are reminded that behind every bumper sticker we see on a tow vehicle or flag flying on a golf cart is a story. Often it’s a story of loss. Sometimes it’s a story of resilience or defiance.

Understanding begins with listening, and with empathy.